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Lesson Six:
The Secret
Ingredient For Creating A Strong Family
"Forgiveness"
Part 2
Introduction:
Several weeks ago I started sharing with you what I was calling the
secret ingredient for a strong family, and it was the virtue of
forgiveness. Before we get into what I want to talk about this
morning, I need to address two things. As I read over that last
message, I decided I don't like how one of my illustrations came
across. The point I was trying to illustrate was that the family
provides very fertile ground for offenses to occur. It is like a
Petri dish. And then to prove that, I shared with you how I don't
often have to go to other people and ask them for forgiveness, but I
regularly have to go to family members to ask for forgiveness. As I
read over that illustration again, I felt like it came across as
somewhat arrogant, and that was certainly not my intent. I do not
view myself as some pious person who conducts himself almost
sinlessly in society. I don't feel like I have reached some level
of super-spirituality from which I look down on everyone else. My
point was that I have to do a lot more asking for forgiveness from
family members than I do from people outside my family.
The other point of
clarification has to do with the effect granting forgiveness to
someone has on the ruptured relationship. You need to understand
that just because you do the godly thing and forgive someone, that
doesn't mean that the relationship will automatically be restored.
That is a whole different issue (peacemaking and reconciliation).
For relationships to be restored, both parties have to be involved
in the reconciliation process. What we are addressing is a virtue
you can practice that will free your soul from the chains we were
talking about that bind us to the past and keep the pain alive and
throbbing.
Transition: So
with those two clarifications, let's move on and consider another
compelling reason why we should forgive. In addition to forgiveness
being an act we can perform that mirrors God's character, I want you
to understand that it isn't murder only that is forbidden by the
sixth commandment.
2. Murder isn’t the only thing forbidden
by the sixth commandment - Mt. 5:21- 22.
To see this, let's turn to
Matt. 5:21 and 22. In this passage where Jesus is elaborating on
the Old Testament Mosaic law, He says, "You have heard that the
ancients were told, 'You shall not commit murder' and 'Whoever
commits murder shall be liable to the court.' [This is Jesus’
reference to the sixth commandment, found in Ex. 20:13. The court
Jesus mentions is the judicial body that dispensed the death
penalty.] 22 "But I say to you that everyone who is
angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court;
and whoever shall say to his brother, 'Raca,' shall be guilty before
the supreme court; and whoever shall say, 'You fool,' shall be
guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.
The point Jesus is making here
is that not only is murder forbidden, but also the emotion that
precedes, and many times finds its ultimate expression in murder, is
forbidden as well. The same judicial body that dispenses justice on
the act of murder is going to dispense justice on anger and derisive
speech. I'm making this point because we don't often view anger as
seriously as it really is. I imagine we all would agree that anger
is a sin and we shouldn't do it - but when was the last time you
viewed it as being on the same level as murder? The teaching of
Jesus is that both acts are equally culpable. And in case you think
I am seeing things here that aren't really there, turn with me to 1
Jn. 3:15. "Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer; and you
know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him." What
Jesus may have only intimated in Mt. 5:22, John says explicitly in 1
Jn. 3:15.
So what does this have to do
with forgiveness? Guess what the best way to diffuse anger is? Go
split wood for 20 minutes? Put your head under the pillow and
scream until you are hoarse? No - forgive the person that triggers
the anger! That is always an option. Ex.: The woman behind me in
the toll lane who wouldn't back up.
Now, I want to be quick to say
that this isn't easy. And depending on the depth of the wound, it
may take quite a while to be able to get to this point. I have a
friend who was so terribly abused as a child that his twin sister
committed suicide when they were 13 - just to get out of the abusive
situation. He is over 50 now, and only recently has he been able to
grant his father forgiveness. But here is a little secret to help
you out. Look at the one who has sinned against you as the creation
of God. The Bible teaches that every single person who has ever
lived was created "in the image of God." And we can love and
forgive that person just for that image of God which is in him.
And I also want to share with
you that the greatest obstacle in being able to do this is our own
selfishness. John MacArthur says,
"Recognize that your lack of forgiveness is
sinful as well as selfish. You must put your selfishness aside
because it is exactly that undeserved affection for yourself that
makes you aggravate the faults of others who offend you. The reason
you get so mad when others offend you is because you have an
elevated opinion of yourself! If you really want to know what you
deserve, it is hell. Anything else is just benefit. Be humble
enough that no offense against you is worthy of hate. Kill your
selfishness!"
So the second reason we forgive
is because it is more than murder that is prohibited by the sixth
commandment. The third reason we need to be forgiving people is
because whoever has offended you has offended God far greater.
3. Whoever has offended you has offended
God far greater - Lev. 19:2, 20:7, Jo. 24:19, 1 Sam. 2:2, Ps. 99:5 -
God referred to as holy over 600 times
When a person sins against you,
he has just offended two parties, right? Those parties are you, as
well as God - the only reason it is an offense against
you is because God has previously established what is
sinful and non-sinful behavior. When someone gossips about you and
people start to shun you because they unwisely believe the gossip,
the reason that is hurtful to you is because one of God's principles
has been violated - and that always causes pain. But you need to
remember that sinful behavior, while directed against humans, is
ultimately an offense against God. And regardless of how horribly
you have been offended, remember that God has been offended far
greater than you because of His perfection, purity, and holiness.
If one of you ladies were
working around the house in an old pair of jeans and a sweatshirt,
and then you accidentally spilled ketchup down the front of it, it
wouldn't be a big deal, would it? They are old work clothes, they
have served their purpose, and you don't wear them out in society.
But if you had just gotten home from church and were wearing your
brand new white lined dress, that spilled ketchup is now a big
deal. Why is it that the same amount of ketchup applied to two
different articles of clothing can produce such different
responses? It is because of the nature of the article of clothing.
This is how we need to understand how sinful behavior affects both
the offended party as well as God. That ketchup is offensive to the
work clothes, but it is tremendously more offensive to the white
linen dress.
And if God, who is the most
holy of all, has forgiven your offender the greater offense, can't
you, the least holy, forgive him the lesser offense? Whatever that
spouse, or parent, or sibling, or child has done to sin against you,
just remember he has done it against God as well; and God forgives
fully, totally, freely, completely, and quickly. And if God, the
most offended of the two parties can forgive the huge offense, can't
you, as the lesser offended party forgive the smaller offense as
well?
So far we have seen three
reasons we should be forgiving people. 1) Forgiveness is the most
Godlike act a person can engage in, 2) forgiveness enables us to
fully obey the sixth commandment, and 3) forgiveness is the right
thing to do since we are the lesser offended of the two parties.
The final reason we should forgive is because God has forgiven us of
so much. Let's turn to Mt. 18 and consider this matter.
4. God has forgiven us of so much - Mt.
18:21ff
While you are turning to the
passage, think with me for a moment about what we deserve because of
our sinfulness. If you had the ability to determine the number of
years you could spend in hell to adequately pay for your sins, what
would it be? 10,000? What about someone who was really bad?
Someone like Hitler or Stalin or Idi Amin? Would 100,000 years in
hell be a sufficient punishment to pay for their sins against
humanity and God? Would it need to be 1 million years? Well, the
truth of the matter is that regardless of who the person is - it
could be the nicest person in the world or the worst sociopath
history has produced - no matter who it is, the only sufficient
punishment for sinfulness is eternity in hell!
Take that 1 million years, add a billion years to it, and multiply
that number by several billion and you have just come up with a
sliver of eternity. But that is the only sufficient punishment for
sin. That is sobering, isn't it? But it is the truth taught in the
Bible.
And it is that penalty that God
forgives when someone comes to Him, confesses his sinfulness,
repents of it, and asks forgiveness. God categorically and
immediately forgives a punishment of eternity in agonizing torment.
This is phenomenal - it literally is mind boggling what God does for
us when we ask Him to forgive us. So with this truth in mind, let's
read Mt. 18, starting in verse 21.
21
Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother
sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" [this
was over twice as many times as the Pharisees demanded] 22
Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up
to seventy times seven. 23 "For this reason the kingdom
of heaven may be compared to a certain king who wished to settle
accounts with his slaves. 24 "And when he had begun to
settle them, there was brought to him one who owed him ten
thousand talents [This was a huge amount of money. A talent
weighed anywhere from 60 to 80 pounds, and was the measurement used
to weigh precious metals like gold and silver. Someone has figured
out that a talent was worth about $960.00, so 10,000 talents would
be about 10 million dollars.]. 25 "But since he did
not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be
sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and
repayment to be made [This was not an excessive punishment for a
10 million dollar debt]. 26 "The slave therefore
falling down, prostrated himself before him, saying, 'Have patience
with me, and I will repay you everything.' [When you think about
it, this is a ludicrous offer! He is a slave. There is no way this
man is going to be able to pay off the debt in his lifetime.]
27 "And the lord of that slave felt compassion and
released him and forgave him the debt.
This is an illustration of what
God does for us when we come to Him for forgiveness. We each have
this huge debt we owe because of our sins, and it is utterly
impossible for us to pay it. It would be ludicrous for us to
approach God and say, "If you will just be patient with me, I'll
make it up to you." No you won't! You can't! And so God, because
He is merciful and compassionate completely forgives the debt.
Isaiah 55:7 7 Let
the wicked forsake his way, And the unrighteous man his thoughts;
And let him return to the LORD, And He will have compassion on him;
And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon.
Isaiah 30:18 18
Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He
waits on high to have compassion on you. For the LORD is a God of
justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him.
Ephesians 2:4 4 But
God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He
loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our transgressions,
made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved),
6 and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in
the heavenly places, in Christ Jesus,
Let's continue now with the
story in Mt. 18. This slave has just been released from a debt he
could never repay. How does he respond to the act of graciousness
of his master?
28
"But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed
him a hundred denarii; [this is probably about $16.00!] and
he seized him and began to choke him, saying, 'Pay
back what you owe.' 29 "So his fellow slave fell down
and began to entreat him, saying, 'Have patience with me and
I will repay you.' 30 "He was unwilling however, but
went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was
owed.
The really sad thing about this
story so far is that the slave hasn't learned anything! He has been
forgiven a debt of about 10 million dollars, and now is unwilling to
forgive a debt of $16.00. Pretty sad, isn't it?
31
"So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply
grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened.
32 "Then summoning him, his lord said to him, 'You wicked
slave, I forgave you all that debt because you entreated me.
33 'Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave,
even as I had mercy on you?' 34 "And his lord, moved
with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay
all that was owed him. 35 "So shall My heavenly Father
also do to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from
your heart."
The final reason we should
forgive others is because God has forgiven us of so much. No
matter how deeply you have been offended or wounded, whether
physically or emotionally, the offense you have received pales in
comparison to your offense against God because of your intrinsic
sinfulness. Our sinfulness is tantamount to a 10 million dollar
debt we owe God. And the sins and offenses that are committed
against us are the equivalent of $16.00 debts. That is the message
of Matthew 18:21-35.
And Jesus was explicitly clear
in the consequences of being unwilling to forgive an offense. In
verse 34 we read about being "handed over to the torturers until"
we can repay our offense against God. When you harbor an
unforgiving spirit and refuse to grant forgiveness to others, you
will pay for it physically. You will suffer in your body. I've had
a guy curled into a fetal position, writhing in agony in my office
because he couldn't forgive his father of an offense. I had an
elder in my last church who had been committed to the mental
hospital in Poughkeepsie because he couldn't forgive an offense.
And I admit that the offense was heinous by human standards, but
when contrasted to the offense each of us carries against a holy
God, it was pretty small.
Conclusion: So
doesn't it make sense to cultivate the virtue of forgiveness?
?
When we forgive others, we
are putting our selfishness aside and engaging in Godlike behavior.
?
When we forgive others, we
are fulfilling the intent behind the sixth commandment.
?
When we forgive others, we
are acknowledging that we are the lesser offended of the two parties
sin affects.
?
When we forgive others, we
are showing gratitude for the insurmountable debt God has removed
from us.
And the way this applies to the
family is that no family will survive the ravages of sin if each
member doesn't learn how to forgive. Remember that the family is
the Petri dish - it accelerates selfishness and other malevolent
behavior. But the family that does cultivate the virtue of
forgiveness will become an impregnable fortress. And isn't that
what we want? Strong families?
Do you need to get something
right with someone in your family today? Dads,
I'm calling each of us on the carpet right now. Do you need to step
up to the plate this afternoon and forgive someone or ask someone to
forgive you? Maybe it is that son-in-law that isn't caring for your
daughter the way you would like him to, and you have resented that
for years. Maybe your wife has turned out to be that wife in
Proverbs (not the one from chapter 31) that makes you want to move
into a corner of the attic just to get away from her incessant
pettiness. Isn't it time to do the Godly thing and grant
forgiveness? Mom's, you're batting second in
this line up. Do you need to get something right with someone in
your family? Maybe you have been harboring bitterness in your heart
for years against your daughter because she hasn't lived up to your
expectations. You know she is capable of more than what she has
become. Or maybe your husband hasn't been nearly what he portrayed
himself to be when you were dating. Isn't it time to forgive the
offense? Children, have your parents offended
you (and I'm not speaking only to the children under the age of 18,
but to anyone who is a biological child)? Have you allowed their
sinfulness or their faults to create a breech in the relationship?
Maybe you need to imitate Jesus and forgive them.
The verse I want to leave you
with is a very sobering one, and is found in Matthew 6:12.
“And forgive us our debts [sins - as seen in Luke 11:4], as
we also have forgiven our debtors [people who have sinned
against us].” I want you to circle that little word “as.”
The idea being conveyed in that little word is the manner
in which we want God to forgive us. So here’s the question. How
much do you want God to forgive you? That is the standard you need
to use in forgiving others. If you want God to forgive you only of
some of your sins, then only forgive others some of
their offenses against you. If you want God to only forgive you of
your small, petty offenses, then only forgive your offenders of
their small, petty offenses against you. Hold on to big ones, don’t
grant forgiveness there - but realize that the standard you use to
forgive others is the standard God uses to forgive you.
Don’t you want God to forgive
you generously, and liberally, and freely, and lavishly? Don’t you
want God to pour out copious amounts of grace and forgiveness on
you? Then that is how you need to forgive your offenders.
Prayer: Our
Father, as we so often pray, we need your help to live up to the
standard you expect of us. No one here has the ability in and of
themselves to be the kind of forgiving person
you expect. But we all know that with your
enablement and grace working in our lives, we can be the kind of
people you would have us to be. So please do your work in our
hearts this morning. |
