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Lesson Five: The Nature
of Marriage - Part 1
"The Covenant of
Marriage"
Eph. 5:17-33
Introduction:
Several years ago, a 32 year old man by the name of Paul and his 17
year old fiancée Anna walked into the Norristown, PA courthouse to
apply for a marriage license. The justice turned them down flat
when he learned they had known each other for only one day. Yet
after much pleading and persuasion, the judge reluctantly granted
them their license, and Anna and Paul were married three days
later. The wedding was held at Paul's brother's house, and there
wasn't much to it - only four people in attendance, no wedding gown,
no flowers, no cake, not even a picture taken. He was dirt poor,
and she was poorer. As marriages go, this one didn't sound like it
had much of a future.
Yet exactly 50 years later,
Paul and Anna Paulson celebrated their golden anniversary. Their
marriage had been arranged by their Greek families according to
age-old custom, which was why there was no courtship. They raised
four children, kept them safe and sound through the Great
Depression, built a successful business, put all four kids through
college, saw them all marry and produce 13 grandchildren, and lived
a long and exemplary life of Christian service to others.
We don't hear stories like
this very often any more, do we? But when we do, the question in
most people's minds is, "How did they do it?" Or, "What do you
suppose their secret was?" Well, we all know there isn't a magic
pill we can take that will insure a good marriage. There isn't some
secret formula we can invoke, but there is something we can do that
will greatly increase the probability of replicating the marriage of
Paul and Anna Paulson.
This morning we are going to
be continuing our series on creating strong families, and the issue
I want to deal with is "The Nature of Marriage." This afternoon at
2:00, we are going to watch as two young people enter into a
relationship that up until recently our culture has always pretty
well understood. In our society, marriage has always been between a
man and a woman, and it has always been a relationship that was
expected to last until one of the individuals died. There were a
few very narrow, legal reasons for ending the marriage, but it
wasn't commonplace. So, up until recently, the nature
of marriage was common knowledge. But times have changed and we no
longer live in an age that views marriage from those two
foundational perspectives (between a man and a woman, and it was
expected to last until one of the partners died). You are all aware
of the legal challenges throughout our country over the standard
definition of marriage, and we are all painfully aware of the
prevalence and ease with which marriages come to an end.
And furthermore, we are all
aware that this isn't "their" problem (the unsaved world). This
matter is not something that the body of Christ is immune to - the
statistics don't lie. Evangelical's marriages, on the whole, don't
last any longer than the marriages of those who don't claim to be
saved. And the church is where it is today in its understanding of
the nature of marriage because the pastors of Evangelical churches
have not boldly proclaimed what the Bible teaches about the nature
of marriage. So, if we are going to have strong families at
Cornerstone Baptist Church, we are going to have to start with a
biblical understanding of the nature of marriage.
So, what is this relationship
we call marriage? To answer this question, I want to show you three
critically important concepts that if we understand and incorporate
into our marriage, we will not only understand marriage from a
Biblical perspective, but also we will have strong marriages.
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Marriages that can overcome
the indiscretions of youth.
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Marriages that can overcome
the stress of poverty.
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Marriages that can overcome
the personal hurt of a selfish spouse.
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Marriages that can even
overcome the betrayal of infidelity.
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Marriages that can overcome
the anger of abandonment.
It sounds like I am promising
you a lot, and I am! But that is the reality of ordering your
marriage around the principles of God's Word. What I want to show
you this morning is the covenant of marriage, the duration of
marriage, and finally, the picture of marriage. Let's start by
looking at this passage in Eph. 5:17-33 where we see Paul introduce
us to the covenant of marriage.
I.
The Covenant of Marriage
17
So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord
is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is
dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking
to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and
making melody with your heart to the Lord; 20 always
giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to
God, even the Father; 21 and be subject to one another
in the fear of Christ. 22 Wives, be subject to
your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is
the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He
Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as
the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be
to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love
your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up
for her; 26 that He might sanctify her, having cleansed
her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He
might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot
or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and
blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own
wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and
cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30
because we are members of His body. 31 For this cause a
man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife;
and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is
great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let each individual among you also love
his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it
that she respect her husband.
The key verse here is verse 32
where Paul says there are parallels between the husband / wife
relationship and the Christ / church relationship. In other words,
if you want to know how the husband / wife relationship ought to
work, Paul says to look at the relationship between Christ and the
church. That is the significane of "so also" in verses 24, 28.
Paul repeatedly switches back and forth in this passage between
talking about marriage and talking about the church. This is a
point we are going to develop more fully in the final point of this
message when we look at the picture of marriage, but what I want us
to focus on has to do with the nature of the marriage relationship.
To help us understand the
nature of marriage, we have to understand the
nature of the relationship we have as Believers with Jesus. We
often speak of the relationship between God and us, or between Jesus
and us, or even between Jesus and the church, as a "covenant
relationship." What does that mean? Someone tell me what the term
"covenant relationship" conveys. Let's develop this thought a
little more fully. We get the concept of a covenant relationship
from the Old Testament - covenants are rather passé in our culture,
but in OT times they were the norm - not only for God's people but
all people. When two people entered into a covenant, it was a
significant event. It was no small thing. We get a picture of it
in Gen. 15.
After these things the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision,
saying, "Do not fear, Abram, I am a shield to you; Your reward shall
be very great." 2 And Abram said, "O Lord God, what wilt
Thou give me, since I am childless, and the heir of my house is
Eliezer of Damascus?" 3 And Abram said, "Since Thou hast
given no offspring to me, one born in my house is my heir." 4
Then behold, the word of the LORD came to him, saying, "This man
will not be your heir; but one who shall come forth from your own
body, he shall be your heir." 5 And He took him outside
and said, "Now look toward the heavens, and count the stars, if you
are able to count them." And He said to him, "So shall your
descendants be." 6 Then he believed in the LORD; and He
reckoned it to him as righteousness. 7 And He said to
him, "I am the LORD who brought you out of Ur of the Chaldeans, to
give you this land to possess it." 8 And he said, "O
Lord God, how may I know that I shall possess it?" 9 So
He said to him, "Bring Me a three year old heifer, and a three year
old female goat, and a three year old ram, and a turtledove, and a
young pigeon." 10 Then he brought all these to Him and
cut them in two, and laid each half opposite the other; but he did
not cut the birds. 11 And the birds of prey came down
upon the carcasses, and Abram drove them away. 12 Now
when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram; and
behold, terror and great darkness fell upon him. 13
And God said to Abram, "Know for certain that your
descendants will be strangers in a land that is not theirs, where
they will be enslaved and oppressed four hundred years. 14
"But I will also judge the nation whom they will serve; and
afterward they will come out with many possessions. 15
"And as for you, you shall go to your fathers in peace; you shall be
buried at a good old age. 16 "Then in the fourth
generation they shall return here, for the iniquity of the Amorite
is not yet complete." 17 And it came about when the sun
had set, that it was very dark, and behold, there appeared a
smoking oven and a flaming torch which passed between these pieces.
18 On that day the LORD made a covenant
with Abram, saying, "To your descendants I have given this land,
From the river of Egypt as far as the great river, the river
Euphrates:
The point here is that a
covenant is Very Significant Thing. Did you catch all the visual
aids and the sensory stimuli? Dead animals, smoking firepots,
flaming torches! When this covenant between God and Abram was
ratified, it was a night Abram never forgot. And this particular
covenant, known as the Abrahamic Covenant, was the agreement between
God and Abraham (and all his descendants) that regulated the
relationship between them for hundreds of years.
And as you study the concept
of covenants in the OT, you see several things. First of all, there
are two basic types of covenants - conditional and unconditional.
Conditional covenants had conditions that both
parties had to meet. They were basically contracts. Each side had
to fulfill the conditions, or the covenant was null and void and the
party responsible for the breakdown had penalties to pay.
Unconditional
covenants were basically promises (as opposed to contracts), usually
made between unequal parties. For example, the Gibeonites and
Joshua. Or Abraham and God. Or Rahab and Joshua. Two parties of
equal power didn't typically enter into unconditional covenants -
there was no need! In addition to this, the responsibility to
fulfill the stipulations of the covenant rested on the one
initiating the covenant because he had the capacity to fulfill it.
Going back to the covenant with Abram, God initiated it, therefore
He had the greater responsibility in the agreement. These covenants
always had provisions. The stronger party promised to protect and
provide for the weaker party, and the weaker party promised their
allegiance and obedience to the stronger party. Now, if the weaker
party did not meet his obligations, there were consequences, but the
covenant itself was not broken.
For example, going back to the
Abrahamic covenant, God promised Abram a son by his wife Sarah.
When that didn't happen soon enough for Abram and Sarah, Abram
fathered a child by Sarah's servant, Hagar. Did that act of
disobedience void the covenant God had with Abraham? No. God was
still faithful to the convenant He enacted because as the initiator
of the covenant, He had the greater responsibility to carry out its
provisions.
So, with this understanding of
what an unconditional covenant entails, I want us to look at Malachi
2:13-14, because this gives us some insight into the
nature of marriage. 13 "And this is another
thing you do: you cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with
weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering
or accepts it with favor from your hand. 14 "Yet you
say, 'For what reason?' Because the LORD has been a witness between
you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt
treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by
covenant." Did you catch God's perspective on the nature of
marriage? It is a covenant between a man and a woman.
Now, do you think it is a
conditional covenant, or an unconditional covenant? Remember, a
conditional covenant is a covenant made between equals,
and either party can void the covenant simply by not fulfilling his
obligations as long as he is willing to incur the consequences. An
unconditional covenant, remember, is a covenant made
between parties of unequal strength, and the character of the
initiator guaranteed that the stipulations would be fulfilled
because he had the capacity to fulfill it. Which is it? It is an
unconditional covenant!
This is why in the wedding
ceremony you are going to hear this afternoon you are going to hear
lots of language like this: " . . . this ceremony is far more than
the simple, legal uniting of two lives. From what we see in the
Bible, a marriage ceremony is actually the ratification of an
unalterable covenant between a man and a woman that God, in His
timing, has brought together." I say that because marriage is an
unconditional covenant. Because of this covenant perspective, I
have the groom stand all by himself in front of the entire audience,
and before the ceremony starts I say to him, "As you stand before
these witnesses, are you declaring that you are taking the
initiative in this marriage covenant, and that you will, by
following the example of our Lord Jesus Christ, assume the greater
responsibility in carrying out its terms?" And it is not until he
says "I am" to this question, that the music starts and the bride
comes down the aisle on the arm of her father. But I do this
because I want to convey the seriousness and significance of the
event - it is an unconditional covenant.
So to sum up this first point
I am making this morning, when we consider the nature of marriage,
we need to understand it as a covenant. It is not a civil contract
that either party can revoke if they are willing to pay the
consequences. It is a solemn, binding set of promises a man makes
to a woman.
Conclusion:
This is all the time we have for today, so next week we'll look at
what marriage is a picture of, and then we'll finish up this mini
series by looking at the permanency of marriage. But what does this
morning's message mean for us today? I have two lines of
application.
For all of you who are not
married yet, the thought I want you to take home with you is that
marriage is a serious matter. It is not something you just breeze
into because you can also breeze out of if it doesn't go the way you
think it should. God has a lot to say about this covenant, and He
takes it very seriously. And if you want a strong marriage, if you
want to see a 50 year anniversary like Paul and Anna Paulson did,
you are going to have to view marriage as a covenant.
And for those of you who are
married, the point I want you to take home is that you are right now
involved in a covenant relationship with your spouse. For better,
or for worse; for richer or for poorer; in sickness or in health -
you are bound to your spouse by covenant. Embracing this
perspective will serve as the first plank in a foundation that will
give you a strong marriage. |
